Exploring and coming to terms with sexual orientation can be a difficult process. The good news is that there are many resources available to help you along your journey.
Often, a person’s sexuality becomes clear over time. It is perfectly normal to question your sexuality at one point or another.
1. You’re attracted to women.
If you’re interested in women, and feel excited or even sexually aroused by the thought of dating or having sex with other girls, then this could be an indicator that you are lesbian. At the same time, it’s important to remember that sexuality is more complex than what’s defined in a dictionary. Many people find that their sexual orientation changes throughout their lives.
If you notice that your friend is always complimenting you or showing a lot of interest in what you’re saying, this could be a sign that she’s interested in you romantically. She might also show interest in you by trying to spend more quality time with you. This is a common way for women to express their attraction. The key is to listen and interpret what she’s telling you with a positive attitude.
2. You’re not attracted to men.
If you’re finding little to no romantic or sexual excitement or satisfaction with men, it could be a sign that you are lesbian. Some women have long histories with men and are still considered straight, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be lesbian too.
It may also be a sign that you’re lesbian if your sexual fantasies involve other women and not men. You might find yourself getting horny thinking about lesbian couples or imagining yourself kissing other women.
Or, you might find yourself watching lesbian TikTok videos or binging episodes of The L Word or Below Her Mouth. You might follow lesbian Instagrammers or read memoirs by queer authors. You might feel a deep connection with the femmes you see online or in person and want your life to reflect what you’re seeing.
3. You’re attracted to other women.
While it can be hard to determine sexual orientation, some clues might reveal that a woman is attracted to other women. For example, if she flirts with other women and finds herself wanting to be more than just friends, it’s a possible sign that she’s a lesbian. She may also express her interest in other women by talking about things like same-sex marriage.
If you find yourself binging lesbian TikTok or reading articles on queer life, that’s another good indication. It could also mean that you’re a lesbian if women appear frequently in your dreams, or if you fantasize about kissing or sleeping with other women. It’s okay to be attracted to other women – in fact, it’s very normal. Just don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
4. You’re attracted to other women romantically.
If you’re attracted to other women romantically and haven’t dated men in the past, you may be a lesbian. Many lesbians who have dated men in the past say that they knew something was off about their partners because it didn’t feel right or they just weren’t getting any pleasure from the relationship.
It is also possible that you’re bisexual and only have sexual feelings for women but don’t have any romantic feelings for men. Familiarising yourself with gay labels and terms is a good idea to help you figure out your orientation, but it’s more important that you take the time you need to work out who you are and what you want from life. This will only come from being honest with yourself.
5. You’re attracted to other women sexually.
If you find yourself fantasising about other women, feeling excited and aroused by the idea of girl-on-girl sex, or masturbating to thoughts of other girls, this could be a sign that you’re lesbian. Sexual and romantic orientations exist on a spectrum, so it’s possible that you could be bisexual or pansexual instead.
Many women have lesbian experiences and feelings but don’t think of themselves as being lesbian. This is completely normal, and it can take time to work out whether you are lesbian or not. Nodding along to these points won’t give you a definitive answer, but it may help you start the journey towards self-acceptance and understanding. Bonobology’s team of therapists are ready to support you whatever your orientation is. Contact us for confidential help.
